Can’t a guy just have a little fun?

The next afternoon found Captain Gus Johansson strutting down the street as the last rays of daylight bounced off the ancient brick buildings of Nakon’s Old City. Gus, a former Governance Navy Warrant Bosun, had escaped the confines of his ship and the watchful eye of his android Executive Officer, Lenore, for some, in his mind, well-deserved liberty.  Their ship, Corvus, started life long ago as a salvage tug.  Now it was a thinly disguised heavily-armed mercenary vessel that took cargo jobs to help pay the bills.

“As much as I like Corvus, ain’t it great to be back dirtside, little buddy?”

His small General Repair and Maintenance Protocol bot, HAM, skated beside him on rollers. “As happy as I am to accompany you, Captain, I feel that my proper place is performing the endless list of maintenance tasks the Engineering Officer has set out for me.”

“Ah come on, “Gus said. “Don’t worry about the EO. Have a little fun.”

HAM turned his helmet head to stare at Gus. “But Sir, maintenance is fun.”

Gus paused and looked at a nondescript three-story brick building on the corner. Its scarred wooden door was set diagonally into the building’s corner. A tiny barred porthole stared out into the street. The neon sign on the wall flickered. “Hors_shoe B_r”. A row of dark dusty windows flanked the door on each side of the building.

“We’re early for the reception at the Matrian Embassy, aren’t we?”

“The reception is still scheduled for tomorrow evening,” HAM answered. The little bot contemplated the rundown look of the building. “Captain, this establishment does not look reputable.”

“Good!” Gus laughed. “The XO has had me on a short leash for too long. Don’t worry, I been here before. It’s great!”

He grabbed the door and jerked it open. The odor of stale beer, cheap whiskey, and low-quality ganja wafted out. “You can tell this place is good just by the smell.”

“My olfactory sensors detect a substantial lack of cleanliness.”

“That’s what I said,” Gus answered. “I need some greasy bar food before I spend tomorrow evening picking over skinny finger-sandwiches and chatting up a bunch of stuffed shirts.”

It was late afternoon. The day drinkers were gone and the young crowd hadn’t yet filled the place. Gus trailed his fingers along the curving bar that gave the place its name. Countless gallons of spilled beer, spotty varnish, and haphazard cleaning added to its character. A jukebox, photo booth, and blinking video game lined the outside wall. A young red-headed girl swept the floor near the back. He grabbed a stool, removed his dress uniform tunic, and set his hat and tunic on HAM’s head.

“Here HAM, find a safe place for this fancy rig.” Gus rolled up his sleeves, exposing a tattoo of the ancient war hammer, Mjolnir.

“What’ll it be, star-man?” A short brunette in a leather bustier leaned over the bar toward him. A pair of animated tattoo swallows flew in a slow circle above her breasts and a pinup girl in the ancient “Sailor Jerry” style danced and winked at Gus through her fishnets. “Don’t recognize the uniform, but that tattoo is unmistakable.” She lightly traced a brightly painted nail along the mythic war hammer’s image.

“Shot of Maniac’s Mark and a porter, my dear.”

HAM said, as he carefully folded Gus’ tunic and searched for a clean place to put it. “Do you think that is wise, Sir? You are expected to engage in witty conversation at the reception.”

“You have a point, my little metal conscience,” Gus said. “Add a burger and yucca fries to that.”

“You got it,” she said, keying his order into the tablet. She held out her hand. “Name’s Niki.” She rolled Gus’s arm to admire his tattoo as he shook her hand. “You’re sporting ink from a Governance unit, but those aren’t Gee-Vee colors you’re flying. So, who are you sailing for?”

“Pleased to meet you. I’m Gus,” he answered. “I fly with an, uh, independent outfit these days.”

Niki poured Gus’ drinks and asked. “What brings you down system to Nakon City? Not a lot of action for an independent operator in these civilized parts.”

“Got a thing at the Matrian embassy,” Gus said as he tossed back his whiskey. He coughed slightly and tapped his shot on the bar for another before taking a sip of porter to clear his tearing eyes.

Suddenly, the backpack that HAM was carrying started to shake.

“Shhh, quiet, not yet,” HAM said over his shoulder to the pack.

“HAM, is that who I think it is?” Gus asked.

“You might as well reveal yourself,” HAM said as he dropped the pack. “You are not very good at following orders.”

The zipper slid open and a pink pointy nose tested the air before a white furry head emerged and chittered. The animal climbed onto the stool next to Gus.

“Is that a possum?” Niki asked. “We got a no pet policy.”

“This isn’t a pet, miss,” HAM said. “This is Ophelia, hero of the Dellan Wars.”

Ophelia ran a smoothing paw over her muzzle, hissed, and stuck out her tongue at the woman.

“Cheeky little beggar,” she said. “Was there a Dellan war? Who can keep track of every little brushfire that flares up out-system these days.” She topped Gus’s shot glass with a dose of harsh amber liquid.

Gus’ food emerged from a small cabinet behind the bar and she dropped the plate in front of him. Ophelia’s eyes widened at the sight of the food.

Gus put some fries onto a napkin and slid it over to her. She grabbed one, chomped it, and quickly dropped the treat.

“Careful, dumpster diver, those are hot,” the bartender said as she turned to Gus. “Invited to a party at the Matriarch’s embassy, huh. You must be pretty important.”

Gus shrugged and took a hearty bite of burger. “I got fancy friends is all,” he said around his mouthful. He noticed the girl had stopped sweeping and was listening.

“Miss, Captain Johansson commanded the squadron that saved Matria and defeated the Dellan battle fleet, including a planetary assault carrier,” HAM boasted. “Of course, Ophelia and I played a key role in the victory.”

The woman smiled. “Of course.”

Ophelia hissed disapproval before attacking her fries again.

“You are a strange bot,” the bartender said. “I’ve never seen your like before, new model?” She pointed at HAM.

“Actually Miss, I am an Imperial Confed…”

Gus slightly choked on his beer and kicked HAM.

“Excuse me, Captain, is something wrong?” HAM asked.

Gus ignored HAM and said, “If you only knew, lady.”

“Interested in selling?” she asked. “I know where you could get top dollar.”

“Nah, I’m kinda used to his quirks at this point.”

Niki shrugged and polished a glass.

HAM said, “Is there some small task I can be of service with while the Captain finishes his refreshment? I do strive to be helpful.”

“Got a load of empties that needs hauling to the cycler. If you don’t mind.” Niki turned and called to the girl. “Blip, show this bot where to haul the empties.”

HAM turned to look at Gus, who nodded. “Sure, but don’t be long.”

“Never fear Captain, I shall return soonest.” HAM spun and skated away after the girl.

Ophelia shoved the last of her fries into her mouth and watched HAM glide away. She chittered and jumped down after him.

“Don’t get lost back there,” Gus called after them.

The bartender pressed a hidden button under the bar as she grabbed the bottle of Maniac’s. “One for the road? On the house.”

“In that case.” Gus slid his shot glass towards her.

#

Blip showed HAM what to do and he began stacking crates of empty bottles onto a cart. She disappeared into the shadows.

Ophelia climbed to a second level platform and began to scrub the crumbs from her whiskers as she watched HAM work. The door behind her opened, and she scooted into the shadows. A large bald man wearing a grubby A-shirt emerged from a cluttered office with CCTV screens on the walls. He thumped down the stairs and headed for HAM. A bot immobilizer gleamed in his hand.

Ophelia growled and hissed a warning.

HAM spun around, realized the danger, and threw a case at the man.

He swatted the bottles away and kept coming as HAM tried to flee out the back.

Ophelia launched herself and landed on the man’s head, hissing and scratching. A bottle rolled under his foot and he went down hard.

He grabbed Ophelia by her scruff and threw her over a pile of boxes.

HAM struggled with the locked door as the man got to his feet. HAM froze as the immobilizer crackled against his shell.

Ophelia peered over the boxes to see the man tuck HAM under his arm, unlock the door, and slam it behind him. The lock reset behind him.

#

“I wonder what is taking that bot so long,” Gus said as he finished his food.

“There were a lot of boxes back there,” Niki said. “Another round?” She waggled the bottle at Gus.

“Better not,” he said. “I’ll just take a peek back there about that bot.” He grabbed his tunic and hat as he slapped cash on the bar to cover his tab.

Gus headed for the storeroom door. He didn’t notice Niki grab a stun-bat from behind the bar and follow him.

He pushed open the door. “Hey HAM, you done? We need to head out.”

Gus crumpled as the bat touched his neck. “Sorry, you’re gonna miss your party, sailor,” the woman said.